One of my favorite blogs comes from Todd A. Rhoades called “Monday Morning Insights”. If you don’t get it I would encourage you to. Check it out at MondayMorningInsight.com. This was his lead story this week.
Drastic Measures to Avoid Moral Failure
by Shaun King on March 11, 2009
http://www.shauninthecity.com/2009/03/drastic-measures-to-avoid-moral-failure.html
Nothing will zap your marriage, ministry, or leadership greater than moral failure. Several times a week I receive devastating emails and phone calls from people suffering the grave fallout from some type of scandal. Moral failure leaves behind a certain residue that is just really hard for most folk to overcome and should be avoided like the plague.
Many people see me as an example of how to be a husband, parent, and leader with integrity and I am thankful for this, but it’s not easy and it takes a lot of effort on my part and help from other people. In fact, I take pretty drastic measures to avoid moral failure. I’d advise you to do the same thing.
I’m not bragging. Heck – some of you may even think that what I am about to say is weird, but my wife is the only woman I have ever had sex with. We’ve been together since I was 16 (I’m 29 now) and I have been able to avoid moral failure in my marriage by going the extra mile to do what many others might find ridiculous. Two of my favorite pastors (and bloggers) – Perry Noble & Craig Groeschel -recently shared the measures they take to avoid moral failure and I want to share mine as well.
Craig Groeschel — Avoid Failing Fatally
http://swerve.lifechurch.tv/2009/03/11/avoid-failing-fatally/
Some failures are more costly than others.
• Many ministries can survive a Christmas pageant that flops, a poorly attended mission trip, or ugly youth room.
• Few ministries thrive during a moral failure or a financial scandal.
Most pastors don’t go into ministry thinking, “One day, I hope to have an affair…” or “This is a great way for me to take money…”
Yet it is not uncommon for good people to end up in really bad places.
A wise pastor sets up safeguards to keep from failing fatally.
Here are a few things we do:
• I never travel overnight alone.
• All my internet activity is monitored.
• We block television stations with bad shows.
• We have the highest governing standards for financial accountability.
• I am never alone with a woman.
It is not that I am afraid of failing big. It is just that I want to make certain I never even have the opportunity to fail fatally.
What safeguards do you have in place to keep from failing fatally?
Perry Noble
http://www.perrynoble.com/2009/03/10/four-reasons-people-have-moral-failures/
“Why do pastors (people) have moral failures.” I believe there are four main reasons…
#1 – No Personal Boundaries
Call me legalistic…but I am a FREAK about particular personal boundaries…such as…
• I do not ride in a car alone with a woman other than my wife!
• I will not be on an elevator alone with another woman. (I have literally gotten off on a floor that was not my destination in order to keep this value.)
• I will not counsel a woman alone.
• I will not share a meal in a restaurant with a woman with it being just the two of us…under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES! EVER! (And PLEASE don’t hand me that crap about how it is “business!”)
Those are just a few of the examples…but the bottom line is this men…YOU CAN’T HAVE SEX WITH A WOMAN IF YOU ARE NEVER ALONE WITH HER (unless you are an absolute freak…which is another issue altogether!)
Too many men have sold their ministry down the river just to have an orgasm…it’s not worth it men–we’ve GOT to make tough decisions now and be willing to experience some “inconveniences” for the sake of the Gospel!
BTW…my wife absolutely LOVES the fact that she is the only woman I am ever alone with!
#2 – They Think That Temptation Will Never Overcome Them!
One of the Bible verses that has ALWAYS stuck out to me on the issue of temptation is I Corinthians 10:12! Here Paul warns us to always be careful…because the minute that we think we have a particular sin mastered…we are in danger of that very sin actually becoming our master.
#3 – They Stop Pursuing Jesus.
One of the things I know is true about everyone of us is that we cannot pursue Jesus and sin at the same time…and if a pastor is trying to get in the pants of a woman who is not his wife…then he cannot claim that his eyes are on Jesus!
This is why I believe time in the Word of God is essential for anyone who wants to keep a pure heart! Men…we are CALLED to pursue Jesus…and doing so will always lead us away from sin, not towards it!
#4 – Stress
When a man pastor experiences a time of intense stress and anxiety he is way more vulnerable to be lured into sin.
Pastors…we’ve GOT to take the fourth commandment seriously (that would be the one about rest!) We’ve got to take care of ourselves emotionally, spiritually and physically…neglecting these things allows us to become an easy target of the enemy!
I believe that many times pastors and ministry leaders will allow the stress and anxiety of ministry to catch up with them so much that they see a “moral failure” as an escape of the life they feel enslaved to.
One of the things ALL of us need to keep in mind is that the church is HIS bride…not ours. There is no need to stress if we believe He is completely in control!
My prayer is that there would NEVER be another pastor to choose to fail morally! (I hate it when people say a pastor “fell into sin!” THAT HAS NEVER FREAKIN’ HAPPENED–EVER!!! Moral failure is NOT a sin that happens to us…we make it happen!
Men, I want us to make it…to keep our eyes on Jesus! PLEASE, if anyone is struggling in this area and feel like you are about to sin…GET HELP! PLEASE…talk to someone! (Many pastors will not do this because they spend WAY too much time trying to BE the Messiah rather than leading people to HIM!)
Here are a four things that I (Shaun King) do:
• My wife (and other people) has access to every cell phone, laptop, bank account, email account, voicemail, social network, text message, etc. that I have or use. No one has the time (or desire) to police these accounts word for word, but they are monitored.
• I go to great lengths to never be alone with another woman and have done this for the past 10+ years. It’s not that I think women are falling all over me (they aren’t), but I don’t even want the appearance or possibility of failure to be out there. Some people actually see this as some type of admission of weakness on my part. Maybe so, but I don’t care. The proof that it works is my marriage.
• I have other people in authority that I answer to and moral covenants that I have signed off on with consequences for moral failure. It appears that being a lone ranger is a major cause of moral failure for the majority of people.
• I surround myself with great examples of what it means to have integrity in life and marriage. Simply seeing and being around these folk keeps me encouraged. It’s much easier to live a certain lifestyle in a community of people doing the same thing.
Do you have any strategies or measures that you take? I’d love to hear them!
All of us must be sure we are living righteously.
Mel
PS. You might want to check out all these blogs:
http://www.mondaymorninginsight.com/
http://www.shauninthecity.com/
http://www.perrynoble.com/
http://swerve.lifechurch.tv/